(Video uploaded 05/2023)

Transcript

Heading: Your Acceptance Counts – Raising Your Child with Positive Parenting

Narrator: Your Acceptance Counts – Raising Your Child with Positive Parenting

As a parent, do you have certain expectations of your child? Parents who love sports may wish for their child to be active and lively, while quiet parents might prefer reading and drawing with their child peacefully.

In fact, every child has their unique temperament and strengths. Even babies who are not yet talking demonstrate their own character and preferences, and they may be different from what you expect. If parents can take care of their child according to their unique traits, it may be easier for them to get along. Let's say you have an active child. Rather than thinking of ways to help them sit down quietly, why not accept them as they are and provide more opportunities to let them move around?

Or say your child is easily agitated and gets upset whenever they can't fall asleep or has to wait. While some people might think they're bad-tempered, they may simply be more sensitive to frustration. So in face of difficulties in completing a task, you may try to support them by calming them down, then show them how to do the task. No matter what the child's nature is, instead of forcing them to change, you'll always find ways to raise them in line with their temperament and preferences. This is good for both your relationship and their development.

Apart from respecting the child's unique personal traits, parents also need to acknowledge their feelings. When your child expresses their emotions, do you always say, “It doesn't matter”, “It's not a big deal”or blame them for losing their temper? In fact, just like adults, children need space to calm down when they're emotionally charged. Regardless of their feelings, try to understand instead of cheering them up or lecturing them right away. Your understanding and acceptance can help them learn to respond to different emotions and build the trust between you two.

But when your child loses their temper or seems frightened, your emotions may be triggered too. It's indeed not easy to show your acceptance at this moment. For example, if a child loses control and screams in a restaurant, parents may find it embarrassing and end up shouting at them.

At this moment, parents may pause and try to calm down by taking a deep breath. You may then see from your child's perspective and notice their difficulties with an open mind before guiding them accordingly.

Very often, you may realise that you have over-reacted after the episode. Your reactions maybe affected by your own beliefs or past experiences such as the fear of being judged for poor parenting. After recognising the situations that irritate you, you could try managing them in other ways. Say if you're bothered by your child making a scene in the restaurant, you may try to communicate with other carers beforehand, and let them handle these situations instead. You could also prepare some toys to keep your child engaged, or avoid staying in the restaurant for too long.

When children fall short of their expectations, parents may inevitably feel disappointed. Yet, whether your child is active or quiet, loves princesses or superheros, does something wrong or fails to do something, they still need to feel loved. When they feel your respect and acceptance, they can develop a sense of security with you and their self-esteem is fostered too. Studies show that children growing up in such accepting environments have better physical and mental development.

Super: D-E-A-R; Respect and Acceptance

Narrator: Now you've learnt about the last element of the D-E-A-R, in which R stands for Respect and Acceptance. To learn more about the D-E-A-R elements in Positive Parenting, watch other videos in this series. You could also visit the Family Health Service website of the Department of Health at www.fhs.gov.hk for further information.

This video is produced by the Family Health Service of the Department of Health